What do I want?

Each of us has a self-image, our conception of who we are as individuals. This self-image reminds us of our accomplishments, categorizes our preferences, and invests us in hopes for the future. It tells us what is good about our life and what isn’t, and points us in the direction we’d like our life to take.

However, this image can be misleading on every scale. It omits the smaller aspects of life, such as moment-by-moment desires, concerns, opinions, attractions, annoyances, and grievances. These currents in us, often reactions to whatever we happen to encounter, usually go unseen. And because they affect numerous decisions we make throughout the day, our actions rarely correspond with what our self-image says we want from life.

That is the small scale, with large impacts. There is a much larger scale. Missing from the self-image, true of many of us, is the sense that we are small particles in a much larger world and that we have a deep need to participate in this world. Western society, little valuing this aspect of life, has banished it to the subconscious. Yet it occasionally arises as a silent question, an impulse to find meaning in what we do. Some of us respond to this impulse spiritually, for example by seeking “inner peace”. But we have little understanding of how to proceed toward what we wish, or even if that result is what we actually need.

With our different parts having different desires, and these desires often at odds with each other, we face a conundrum. What is it that we really want? How can we move toward it?

The Gurdjieff teaching asserts that the first step is to become much more acquainted with our lives by observing our thoughts, actions, and emotions as they occur. Is there an intention behind our actions? What are we wishing for at any moment? Can we feel the contradictions between what we say we want and what we actually do? How often do we sense our more spiritual side, and how do we respond to its yearnings? Perhaps the impressions resulting from these observations will lead us closer to knowing what we want and how to move toward it.

We welcome your questions and observations. Please let us know that you plan to attend.