Knowing Who I Am: Ordinary Self and Essence -- 1
- Charles White
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
The directive “Know thyself”, ancient wisdom renewed by Gurdjieff, is asked of those who hear a call to be something more, to develop, to evolve. At first, this may be puzzling advice. Know myself? But I know who I am. There must be something more to it. A question is raised; a search is begun.
Who am I? Who or what in me can know who I am?
The brutal truth that our organism develops into a complex machine that imagines itself as an independent entity with consciousness, will, and the ability to do as it wishes is not heard by many. If heard, is this truth accepted, digested, pondered, or resisted? Gurdjieff taught that development beyond mechanicality is possible, but something is required of us.
Ordinary Self
In these two posts, I will use “ordinary self” to refer to humans as they develop to the age of maturity through physical growth, education, experiences, and the imitation of parents and others. This level of development, with its automatic reactions through our centers—thinking, feeling, moving—is described in detail in previous posts in this Journal to which I refer the reader. We call the manifestations of the ordinary self our personality.
I will sometimes use the terms higher energy, awareness, intelligence, and sensitivity in referring to potential development of humans beyond the ordinary self that functions with limited awareness. Such references should not be interpreted to demean or judge the ordinary self, which serves a vital role in our lives as part of Creation and also serves an important role in our evolution beyond mechanicality.
Essence
Essence is what is real in us; it contains the elements of our unique individuality. Gurdjieff posits that we are born with a nascent essence, a promising seed.
We can think of our essence as invisible living matter within us. If this matter is nourished, it can grow and ultimately form an organization of finer energy that lives within and around our physical life forms. This new formation has its own intelligence, its own sense of being.
Essence is what is real in us; it contains the elements of our unique individuality. Gurdjieff posits that we are born with a nascent essence, a promising seed.
Gurdjieff said that “A man’s real I, his individuality, can only grow from his essence.”1
Generally speaking, our ordinary selves do not recognize this vital possibility within us. We do, however, have momentary experiences of its quality. For example, in nature when we open to direct perception of vibrant life around us that makes us feel alive in the moment.
If we feel that something is missing in our lives, we may instinctively hear an inner call that another way of being is possible. Listening to the call will lead us to a path where discovering our essence, our real Self, is possible.
The Path to Knowing Myself
How do I know myself? When asked who we are, we in the West would be inclined to describe the mentalimage we have of ourselves. Our education has taught us that knowing is a mental operation. We figure things out, solve problems, make plans, develop theories.
Knowing myself must be a mental process. Alas, it is not.
In a previous post in this Journal, To Live Between Two Worlds (https://www.gurdjieffsocietymass.org/post/our-aim-to-live-between-two-worlds-1), we explored self-observation as a means of inner work, seeing our automatic functioning in the external world, and opening to higher consciousness. Through self-observation, we experience a new perception: essence knowing itself in life.
It is essence that sees.
This kind of seeing and knowing is action, not reaction, and can take place only in the present. Seeing and knowing objectively opens one to a higher, deeper place within and to the flow of finer energy from above. Essence is nourished in the process.
Inner Work Along the Path
It is essence that sees. There are obstacles and traps along the path to the mysterious transformation of my ordinary self so that it supports the growth and realization of a new being with higher awareness. For example, if I observe that I resent doing a particular chore, such as mowing the lawn or washing the dishes, my lower thinking tells me that’s a bad attitude and tries to change it. My personality judges itself and wants to make itself better. I believe I know what to do. As a result, I lose the taste of the inner mystery of who sees; the opening to an invisible, higher energy that inevitably occurs during a moment of self-observation is lost. In contrast, the experience of “I-am-knowing” has an attitude of open questioning: I am knowing in each moment.
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1 Ouspensky, P. D. In Search of the Miraculous (New York:Harcourt, Brace, 1949),163.
Part II will be posted on February 15th.