Knowing Who I Am: Ordinary Self and Essence -- 2
- Charles White
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
When I observe myself with this new attitude of open questioning, I see the part of me that resists the chore when the resistance arises. I feel its subjectivity and tension, and how it limits my experience. There is an opportunity to detach from the resistance and more fully embrace life in that moment. I feel as though I have awakened from a deep sleep; I feel alive.
As discussed in Part I, there are obstacles and traps along the path to knowing who I am, and to distinguising ordinary self from esssence.
Another obstacle: we seek affirmation of our image of ourselves in what we do and in how we behave. If, for example, I believe I am kind, and I catch myself reacting angrily to someone who I mistakenly thought was rude, I am disappointed with myself; I judge myself. If, on the other hand, I volunteer to help someone in need, I feel good. I am important; I am praiseworthy, better than others. This circuitous process perpetuates itself and closes us to higher influences that would help nourish essence.
Moreover, we are entirely identified with a constantly changing image that we imagine ourselves to be. We believe we are every thought that springs into our minds, every emotion that reacts to everything perceived from the outside and from within, and every tension that arises in our bodies. The imaginary self believes it knows, a belief that prevents me from knowing myself beyond my limited horizontal existence.
Ordinary Self Needs To Be Transformed For Essence To Grow
Living in our ordinary selves is centered in our personality. Our personality is the result of all we have learned during our youth, and it includes all the obstacles to the growth of essence. One of the aims on the path is to lessen the grip of personality on our lives.
The imaginary self believes it knows, a belief that prevents me from knowing myself beyond my limited horizontal existence.
The ordinary self, centered in personality, needs to be transformed for essence to grow and take its proper place. Self-observation, seeing and knowing, are a means of transformation. When I see how I function, a wish to be, to know, to be more conscious appears. I see that many of my values and assumed beliefs are false and meaningless. As a result, I may be able, from time to time, to release my attachment to the prison of reactions and gradually open to a stillness within. Something in me begins to have a taste for another way of being. I am entering the vertical current of evolution.
In silence and stillness, nothing is required of me. When I able through relaxation to let go of my identification with habitual reactive thoughts, emotions, and tensions, I contact a finer, more intelligent energy that leads to consciousness of being. Here, I am taught and shown the way forward. I need only to open and listen. In fact, trying to be conscious, to acquire a different state, hinders the capacity to open and evolve into a new being, our birth right. Trying is an effort of my ordinary self.
Discovering Myself
Real knowing appears when my ordinary self allows an opening to a higher energy descending from above. A new attention arises naturally. Staying open requires a new attitude, one of questioning and acceptance. Ironically, accepting that I do not know opens me to real knowing.
Influenced by the descent of higher intelligence through essence, personality can more freely respond to reality, to what is. Essence becomes the center of gravity of our lives ...
With a new attention and attitude, a new inner order appears with a capacity of knowing myself in the present from moment to moment. A new sensation, deeper feeling, and pure attention of the mind without words appear. An organization of higher sensitivity and intelligence emerges, and with it, a connection with what is below (I am not that) and what is above (I am not that). I am the witness, enabling the movement of descending and ascending forces. Influenced by the descent of higher intelligence through essence, personality can more freely respond to reality, to what is. Essence becomes the center of gravity of our lives and a means for the transformation and return of energy to its source.